The Sweetest Thing
by Oktarin
Summary: "But I'm sorry and if I could take it back I would, if there was a way I could take back everything I've done to hurt you I would do it in a heartbeat. I really do love you Ichigo, and… and I need you to understand that all I want is to protect you but I can't do that if you won't help me…" KxI A real love story. Minor violence, slight cursing.
1. Chapter 1

_This is a story which attempts to bring Ichigo and Kish together in an honest and realistic way. Feedback is appreciated! Thank you for reading!_

The Sweetest Thing  
Chapter 1: Planting Seeds  
 _From the deepest desires often comes the deadliest hate._  
– Socrates

I close my eyes, trying to ignore how my head spins and my stomach roils, the entire world swooping and spinning around me. My whole being hums with energy as it always does when I'm in this form, a pleasant pulse of power that's almost electric, but now it feels tense and angry, almost like bees. I'm panting and wary, soaked in sweat and skin dripping with sticky blood; my arm stings where Kish's weapon finally nicked my skin and the spot on the back of my head dully throbs where the chimera hit me. His words still fill me with a familiar fire however, the one that makes me so determined, and there's no way I'm going to stop now. I've reached my limit but I refuse to admit it, that fire urging me on. I grit my teeth and clench my fists, ignoring the scrape of concrete that I can feel even through my gloves. Numbly, I force myself to stand, my shaking legs almost not strong enough to hold me up, but I block out the pain. I try to place my feet firmly on the ground but I still stumble, my head spinning worse and vision going white but it only lasts a moment.

My resilience only delights him further, the strange look that had crossed his face when I fell gone in seconds. He's grinning from ear-to-ear, eyes bright and fingers curling excitedly around the handles of his weapons, so eager to begin again. His response only makes me angrier, only fuels the fire. A growl, long, rough, and drawn out, escapes from between my teeth and I glare at him when he chuckles in response. My strength is wavering but my will still remains, as determined as I am, as much as I don't want to accept it, it's becoming painfully obvious that I can't do this.

I have no backup and I won't for a while, my partners struggling with another monster created by Pai, a monster himself. We fought with the first, some terrible dragon-like creature with a tail it used like a club, for at least an hour and now they have another to face. At this point I've probably been sparring with Kish for another hour. I am quickly growing weaker and I'm sure my teammates are as well, we wont be able to fight off our opponents for much longer. He knows that I am about to crash, we both do, but I stand my ground, glaring up at him with narrowed eyes as he grins back cheekily.

The air is growing cool as the sun begins to set; the sky is tinted as pink as my dress which is now ruined, the fabric stained green, brown, and red with grass, earth, and my blood; it will be fine the next time I transform, as it always is. He is fine of course: his pale skin is still unharmed and his clothes, though thin and worn, not ripped or stained in any way. The only thing more infuriating is the fact that he's barely even sweating. His teammates are taking the cowardly route and so is he, neither making the fight even. The aliens are fighting my girls with one of their monsters, not hand-to-hand; and Kish, though attacking me himself, is weaving in and out in the sky to strike me – leaving me to dodge and block with much more effort. He could carry on like this for hours if he wanted and I'm sure he would love to, not having the same struggles as me.

There's a loud noise in the distance momentarily taking our attention away from each other, both of us glancing towards the actual fight, but it's only one of their monsters and we are immediately focused once more. The inhuman noise does remind me that my team needs me, though, and I feel another surge of power.

I watch Kish closely as he lowers himself from the sky above, my grip tightening on my own weapon, feeling an odd combination of relief and nerves. In my mind I work out all of the ways I could try to strike him now, it being so much easier when he's standing before me. Perhaps, if I can manage to act innocent without puking, I could get close enough to cause some real damage but I quickly realize that he has his own plans. His smile changes, becomes softer somehow with less teeth and pure delight showing, though it keeps that teasing edge that I honestly doubt he ever loses. The change makes me even warier, suspicion flaring in the back of my mind and tail flicking behind me. "Kitten," he tsks and I stand a little straighter, scowling up at him. His eyes sparkle, lips curving in that cocky way as he lands gently on the path. We're in the park on some side trail that I worry no one would know how to find if worse came to worse. "You don't look so good…" he sighs with a twisted little smile that makes my skin crawl, tone both patronizing and infuriating. I grind my teeth in response biting back the insults that rise to my tongue. "Don't get me wrong, you're still gorgeous my pretty kitty," he adds with a wink and I want to puke. "But that's not the point…" he sighs dramatically, tilting his head to the side and eyes straying away from me. "We could stop all of this now you know, just as we both know who will win this battle…"

"Oh really?" I snap back. "Then shouldn't you be giving in while you have the chance?"

He only chuckles indulgently, shaking his head and gaze slipping back to me with that smirk that I hate. He sighs again, "Oh Kitten, always so feisty…"

I growl lowly in response, clenching my fists. "I swear if you don't stop _calling_ me that-"

"Fine _Ichigo_ ," he growls out and the use of my real name, the abrupt hardening of his eyes and the tightness in his jaw combine to make me falter. He's suddenly much darker, almost sinister, his eyes narrowed and his gentle smile gone; his moods change so quickly and so dramatically that I struggle to keep up. "You know how I feel about you," he snarls at me before his tone becomes terribly desperate and his dangerous look flickers to something I don't recognize. "You _know_ , you _have_ to-"

I bristle in response, confused and angry, my rage finally bubbling up and spilling over. "I _know_ you're _mad_! I know you're crazy! A psychopath!" I cry. "I know you're my _enemy_!"

My words seem to take him aback, blinking at me owlishly like I've just literally smacked him. "Ichigo…" he murmurs, face softening again as he takes a careful step towards me, as if he's going to try and calm me. It's not the reaction I was expecting or honestly wanting, I thought he would be mad at me and I'm almost disappointed that he's not. "Ichigo," he repeats, eyes searching my face, and it makes me so angry. I hate how he says my name so oddly, with all of that emotion, I hate it almost as much as his stupid little nicknames for me. "I love you," he almost whispers. "I don't want to be-"

My immediate response is to cry out, unable to properly express my disgust and frustration any other way, and shake my head as if I can get his words out, not wanting to hear any more of it. His words are worse than any of his monsters and his attacks, they're confusing and sharp and somehow seem to hang in the air longer than they should. In that moment I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I hate him: the twisting of my stomach that comes with hearing those words enforcing what I've known since the beginning. " _No_! No you don't!" I scream at him, backing away and scowling.

"I do!" he growls back, voice rougher, his own anger coming out again. "Kitten," he tries, voice now pleading as his expression changes once more. Everything about him is volatile. I hate it.

I hate him.

"Ichigo, I love you," he murmurs and those words seem to echo around me, stilling my heart and chilling my blood. I whip my head back in his direction, staring at him in disbelief as he smiles at me again, a smile that is not smug or mischievous but hopeful, and somehow that makes me even angrier with him.

"You don't know what you're talking about! You don't know what _love_ even _is_!" I cry, voice shrill, and though the words are enough to wipe that smile from his face I don't stop there – I plow on. "You don't know what love is!" I repeat, words dripping with as much venom as I can manage, words shaking with the strain of my anger. "You aren't even _human_!"

The words have the same effect as a physical blow: he takes a faltering step back, brow twitching and lips twisting into a scowl. His hands clench but quickly jerk so they are no longer curled into fists and it occurs to me that his weapons are gone; I'm not sure when he sent them away. But I realize much faster, as I watch his hand rise to grip the fabric of his shirt, right over his heart, that I may have finally crossed the line. I may have finally, actually, gotten it through his head. And, another part of me whispers, one that runs much deeper but I choose to ignore, whispers of finally hurting him beyond repair. But then, before I can give it much thought if any at all, he's tearing forward with a bitter scowl and I fail to jump out of his reach, too tired and too unprepared for any kind of retaliation. I still try to get back but I can't manage to slip away, hissing as his hands close around my throat. My own hands instinctively come up so I can claw at his skin just to feel stupid when I realize what I've done, the clatter and ring coming from my weapon as it hits the concrete making my stomach clench. To my shock, he barely applies any pressure though his whole being is quivering with the strain of controlling himself. I have pushed him too far and knowing that I have angered someone so violent, so volatile – someone who is admittedly capricious – makes my heart race and that little piece of my mind scream of how much danger I've just put myself in while that other part, the one I tend to listen to, regrets nothing.

Our breath mixes between us, ragged, hot and uncomfortable, and I find myself squirming feebly, my fire dying out as I stare back at him, just when I need it the most. Never having been this close to him for this long without having any other distractions, I've not noticed just how alien his eyes are; they're almost animal-like, which is truly fitting. Those bright eyes narrow dangerously and his nails dig into the back of my neck but the pain it causes is only a dull ache, a warning. "You, _Ichigo_ , are the biggest hypocrite I've ever met… I don't know love? And you do? You think that boy loves you? You think that you two are going to get married and spend the rest of your lives together? That you two are going to have beautiful babies who will never see suffering, who will have everything they've ever wanted, who will be spoiled rotten, who will help the world just as you have? Hell, you think that _you_ love him? He doesn't. You won't. You don't," he hisses face contorting into something simply vicious but I'm sure mine does as well, arms shaking with all of my rage, my grip on his arm tightening and claws digging deep into his skin.

I'm furious, his words striking a nerve, and he seems to realize; he pulls away ever so slightly, a kind of manic glee in his eyes, the same that came when I had gotten to my feet not long ago. We struggle for a moment – a vicious, animal-like affair – clawing at one another and making noises that are simply not natural, at least not for a human. I stand on one foot, trying to maintain my balance as I try to keep his long fingers from clamping around my throat again and use my foot to get my Strawberry Bell. He realizes with a low growl, jerking me away roughly, and I'm reminded once more of the hit I took to the head when the world spins. To my surprise he stops, allowing me to come back to my senses. I released his wrists in favor of holding my pounding head but his hands remain wrapped around my throat though his grip is loose, his fingers gently splayed against my skin, right over the spots that will be bruised when I wake tomorrow. We watch each other, eyes roving over the others face, both waiting for the next move. He's the one who makes it.

"You don't love him, you _don't,_ " he mutters darkly, pressing closer, forehead meeting my own and our noses bumping. I find my anger wavering when faced with confusion and fear and I can only squirm some more, suddenly feeling too open, almost as if this act of violence is intimate, my eyes darting to the side. "Look at me…" he breathes, he _begs_ , his voices not as harsh as before and his grip on my neck loosening. I realize that he's gone into another mood and with it comes a chance to get out of this messy situation. So, without any other choice, I meet his gaze. He's softened all over again and it somehow makes me uneasy when I should be rejoicing the chance to find an easier way out of this messy situation. "You know I love you… _completely_ love you and everything about you…" he murmurs, one hand slipping from around my neck to brush his knuckles along my cheekbone, his thumb along my bottom lip, and I tear away immediately as if the touch had burned but the scrape of his claws against my skin was gentle. I decide that may make it worse.

I scramble away managing to scoop up my weapon before rounding on him. I expect him to grow angry and attack but I'm wrong again.

His eyes, for once, seem dull as he backs away from me. "He's not what you think… Ichigo…" and with that nothing more is said, one moment he is there and the next he is gone, leaving me alone in the middle of the park. I stand there a minute longer, lingering as I let the ache and the weariness fully sink in. I must wait for my mind to start functioning again, not able to think properly, too many thoughts still swirling in my mind, too much pain. I can hear the far off cry of the Chimera but it feels like more than distance separating us, it feels as if the cry is coming through water – it feels as if I am underwater. Finally, my breathing and heartbeat are both back to normal, my head is no longer throbbing and the world is not blurry around the edges, and the next time the beast screams I hear it clearly; I properly snap out of it, shaking my head before taking a deep breath, squeezing my Bell, and running to join my friends and aid them as I should.

I find my way back to an actual path with ease and from there I know exactly where I must go, heading for the clearing where this whole thing first began. I attempt to force all thoughts from my mind, I need to be focused in order to help my team properly, but those golden eyes continue to reappear in my mind's eye; it makes me angry, how I can't forget the exact way they had glinted when he narrowed them, the feeling of his deft fingers against my skin; the back of my neck seems to burn with the memory. I remember his words and I grip my weapon tighter, I feel my own nails bite at my skin through my gloves, and my rhythmic steps grow in speed.

I do love Masaya and he loves me, we'll always be together, we'll stick together through thick and thin no matter what. I understand love, Kish is the one who doesn't, and he's the one who's a hypocrite. Enemies don't love each other, passing infatuation isn't love, and love isn't hate.

When I finally reach the clearing the girls are too absorbed in their fighting to notice my arrival but both Pai and Taruto send me exasperated looks that make me want to tell them it's definitely not my fault, I don't like this any more than them. They are too far up for me to hear them and against the orange sky their faces are dark, but I do catch what looked like a snarl and curse from Taruto, and I see Pai close his eyes for a long moment before turning back to the fight.

I'm actually grateful for the fight even though I'm exhausted because as soon as I fall into the familiar steps once more my nagging thoughts dissipate. With all of us together the chimera is defeated easily and soon Pai is disappearing with Taruto, the former scowling and cursing at us as he goes. His cheeks still bloom with color when Purin cries out a farewell, waving wildly, though; I can't help but think of Kish with another flare of annoyance.

All of the girls are in pretty good shape, tired and panting but there is no one seriously injured; Purin is scratched up, palms and knees skinned pretty badly, and Minto thinks that she has pulled a muscle in her back but I suspect that she's just exaggerating. She didn't have to deal with anything near what I did, she didn't have a psychopath trying to strangle her, she has no right to be complaining, and I have to grit my teeth to keep from snapping at her. Actually, I'm just pretty irritated in general, being forced to bite my tongue to keep myself from saying something vicious to Purin to get her to leave me alone. Everyone seems to realize that something is wrong, Minto giving me a wide berth and Retasu ushering Purin away, and I immediately feel bad for taking out my frustration on those around me.

Keiichiro takes care of Minto first, having her lay down on a cot with a heating pad on her back, and then moves on to Purin, cleaning and bandaging all of her little scratches; she flinches slightly at the rubbing alcohol but remains smiling throughout it which only makes me feel worse. Next is me and when he realizes just how bad my injuries are he tells me that I should have said something, that I needed to be cared for first, but I don't respond, Minto's gaze a heavy weight. He tsks, prodding gently at the back of my head before getting me ice for the lump there, next he prods gently at my neck and the scratches there, his fingertips rough but gentle. "Ichigo, what happened?" he murmurs softly, just loud enough for my ears but I only grunt in response, giving him a sharp jerk of my head. He doesn't push for an actual explanation, which I'm thankful for but those golden eyes and those sharp words are once again fresh on my mind not to mention the fact that Ryou has just walked into the room to check on us, only making everything worse. Keiichiro then cleans the cut on my arm and I force myself to remain perfectly still, knowing very well that any other time I would be whining and pouting through the entire thing. He wraps bandages tightly around the cut looking up to give me a smile that is forced I'm shocked to say. Keiichiro sighs as he pulls away, murmuring about how young we are, but it's loud enough that Ryou hears, sending him a weak glare in response.

Keiichiro sends us off after making sure that we've had some tea and cookies and we know exactly what we need to do for our respective wounds, which is nothing too hard. Zakuro and Retasu have waited to see us off but as we eat I can feel their eyes on me, making my guilt and frustration only continue to grow. I've calmed by the time we finally leave, walking together down the darkening streets, allowing Minto to lead the way as she chatters away to an ever silent Zakuro. Purin talks animatedly to Retasu and me but her voice blends with Minto's and I don't really pay attention to anything she says. I feel more tired than usual but I have suffered more wounds than usual among other things so I remain uncharacteristically quiet. Retasu glances at me carefully but when I catch her eye she doesn't blush and apologize like I'm expecting but she gives me a reassuring smile instead and I force myself to smile back.

Slowly my little group drifts apart until it's just me as I make my way towards home. I glance up at the dark sky wondering distantly if Kish has returned to his other dimension or if he is still out there somewhere, I wonder if he's thinking of me, and then I snap out of it mentally smacking myself. I pull out my phone, Masha chirping softly as I do, and check the time just to groan softly when I realize how late it really is. This only adds to my misery and on top of it I feel as if I am forgetting something but I have no clue what it could be. Even as I get closer and closer to the gate of my home the feeling still only grows. That combined with the light on in the living room makes me frown to myself. I pause at the gate, taking a deep breath and a moment to think over the events of the day, fast-forwarding through the fight with Kish, the one event that makes my insides twist a little worse.

I finally gain enough courage to go inside and face my parents though I still try to drift past the living-room without being noticed and I would have succeeded if my mom hadn't of been coming down the hall in the opposite direction. My dad is upset; he's been waiting for me, sitting on the couch in his pajamas with a scowl on his face and an entire rant apparently already prepared for me. He stops short though – just after he began to touch on the subject of boys, which really is shocking – but, to my horror, I realize it's because he's noticed the bandage wrapped tightly around my arm. He spends a few drawn out minutes spluttering until he starts up fresh on this new development: my unsafe working conditions. Thankfully mom cuts him short, giving my wound a wary look herself and me a reproachful one when I try to get out a halfhearted explanation about tripping at work before dragging my father back to bed. She tells me that my dinner is in the fridge and that she expects me to go straight to bed after I eat and take a shower and I do just that.

Ever since I've become a Mew I've been breaking curfew more and more and because of it I've had to come up with more and more wild excuses. Thankfully, the fact that I have my "real" job helps which is about the only good thing about it.

I'm relieved to get some actual food in my stomach, to take a hot shower that relaxes my sore muscles, and to finally slip into bed but I find that even then I can't sleep, my mind still going. My stomach continues to twist uncomfortably, the feeling of unease refusing to leave me alone and I don't know why. It's more than just my parents, of course, but I do feel worried about them and guilty about keeping things from them. So far I've been able to hide what I actually am from them, if they found out I can't even imagine how they would take it not to mention Ryou's reaction. It's more than that and it's more than the stress of maintaining two lives, the stress of saving my people, it's that nagging feeling that I can't shake but I can't place where it's stemming from. The next morning I'm feeling even worse than before.

I still have to go to school though but today I get dressed a bit more carefully than usual, making sure that my sleeve covers up my bandage as much as possible, and then there's the problem of the purple fingerprints decorating my skin. I stare at myself in the mirror, stiffly sliding my own fingers across my neck until they are resting just where his were, and my heart picks up speed, my stomach roils. I tear my hand away with a scowl rushing to sneak into my mother's bathroom to steal her concealer.

At least it is Friday, though, so I'll have a little break from school but I'll still have work. I think that when I see Masaya he might finally take my mind off things but I'm wrong. When I walk up to school to have him catch my eye and give me that brilliant smile I only feel worse, that touch of uncertainty still harassing me growing and growing. The girls around him all glower at me, turning to whisper in the ears of their friends or simply settling with turning their noses up at me as if they were Minto. This reaction usually makes me smile even brighter at him but today it doesn't have the usual effect.

"Hello, Momomiya-san," he murmurs in that soft, sweet voice of his that's so gentle and loving. His dark eyes sparkle warmly but I find a pair of golden ones coming to mind along with those whispered words: " _He's not what you think…_ "

"Good morning, Aoyama-kun!" I attempt to say cheerfully but my voice falters ever so slightly, making his brow furrow. "Uh, I really should get to class!" I giggle nervously. "Ja ne, Aoyama-kun!" I say quickly before hurrying away.

Miwa and Moe are used to my strange behavior thankfully, simply looking at one another and shaking their heads when I appear distracted and have to have them repeat what they just said. I'm starting to feel like a horrible friend. I can't focus during class either but that's nothing new, I never can. And, even after the school day has ended, I'm still thinking, my stomach is still contorting, and I still feel lost.

I've been refusing to admit it but now that I know for sure I must face facts: Kish's words have gotten to me. He's finally gotten into my head, he's finally crossed the line, and I don't know what to do.


	2. Chapter 2

_I promise things will get much fluffier from here on._

Chapter 2: Part One - Heavy Burdens Rest on Soldier's Shoulders

 _Home of lost causes, and forsaken beliefs, and unpopular names, and impossible loyalties!_

– Matthew Arnold

At first it doesn't even register that I am awake. I lie still for a moment listening to the gentle splatter of rain on the roof, soft and constant, along with the distant rumblings of thunder and the even in-and-out of my own breath.

I shift carefully taking my time before barely opening my eyes, thankful for the darkness; I quickly grow annoyed, the red glow of my alarm clock telling me that it is half past two in the morning. I've barely gotten an hour or so of sleep now, having not gone to bed at the usual time, instead staying up to finish the last bit of math homework that I had waited until the very last minute to complete.

I've never been the smartest but now I'm falling even farther behind in my classes because of my other, much more important, duties. Miwa and Moe have taken notice, becoming slightly concerned, but in the end they just write it off as "Ichigo being Ichigo". Retasu has been kind enough to help me out from time to time but it really turns into her doing my work for me and it makes me feel guilty as well as just as bad as her old friends if not worse. So now when she offers to help I turn her down but this seems to make her feel bad and I know all she wants is to be of help, which adds to my guilt; it's a cycle, really. Purin has finally realized how stressed I am, offering to take on my workload for a day or two and claiming that it's the least she can do after I helped out with her siblings while she was sick. I turn her down too of course.

I'm surprised when my worries begin to fade away once more; for the past few weeks I've been waking up in the middle of the night – scratch that, _morning_ – my mind going a mile a minute, keeping me awake. I find myself wanting to drift off once more, back to the warmth of my dreams and the gentle caress of a hand, one I can clearly imagine even now.

My mind is still foggy with sleep, images of sunshine and grass crystal clear in my mind's eye but quickly growing fainter as the rumbles of thunder grow clearer. But my mind begins to process enough for it to register that I am not alone, that there really is a hand brushing through my hair – reverent and gentle but alarming nonetheless – and that breath is not just my own, mine has actually fallen in sync with another.

I try to stay relaxed but I find myself stiffening worse instead, the hair on the back of my neck prickling and my mouth growing dry, and there is certainly no way for me to control the beating of my heart; I must force myself not to hold my breath, I must fight to keep it steady, but the more I think about it and how it is in _sync_ with the other the harder it is. The feeble glint of gold on my nightstand is a bit reassuring but not enough to make me feel very confident and it's certainly not enough to make me feel prepared but, really, there's no way I could be.

I have a terrible sinking feeling in my stomach that I know who this is and at the same time it makes my skin tingle with the heat of irritation and loathing. I was under the impression that there were certain boundaries that even he would not cross but I was obviously wrong and ignorant to think such a thing.

The scrape of long nails against my forehead, tender and sweet but still maddening in a way that even I must admit is irrational, affirms my assumptions. I wonder, with another twist of my stomach, if this is a regular occurrence and if it is: how many times could he have slipped into my room like this?

It's truly a sickening thought.

My enemy has been sneaking into my room while I sleep and very well could have killed me with ease while everyone else and I was unaware, leaving me to bleed out in my bed, my body to be discovered by my parents and even then I doubt my friends would tell them the truth behind it – I don't know if I would want them to.

But that brings up another important question: why isn't Masha warning me?

He continues to gently run his hand through my hair, across my forehead, and then across my cheek, completely oblivious to my racing thoughts.

I haven't seen him in a while, now that I think about it, at least not face-to-face, alone; the last time I had that _pleasure_ was weeks ago now and after the first day or so it got easier to forget the entire event, easier to brush that prickle of unease from my mind when in the presence of Masaya – the boy I love so very dearly, with all my heart, and always will. But I haven't forgotten fully, as I wish I could and insist I have.

His words still nag at me, especially that last part that I still don't quite understand.

" _He's not what you think_."

It is probably just more nonsense like everything else he has to say to me but for whatever reason I feel that for this once he was serious. Despite that, the meaning behind it could be anything and I'm just looking into it _far_ too deeply. It was more nonsense I tell myself but it still lingers in my mind whenever I see Masaya, whenever I find myself alone, or simply when I'm bored in class or zoning out at the cafe. I can't get rid of it.

There's another clap of thunder, one that's much closer and shocks me out of my thoughts, making me jolt and in return wince. Everything grows still, the sound of my heartbeat much louder than the thunder but I can still manage to hear his rhythmic breathing, and the clock seems to freeze with us.

I expect him to tear away, to suddenly disappear and pretend this never happened, but instead his hand only stills, fingers tangled in my hair; my heart skips a beat as I think about the pain that will come if he yanks but, to my surprise, he doesn't. He could go ahead and kill me – hell, he could probably gag me and rape me without my parents hearing a thing. Now that I think about it the logical thing to do would be to hurt me but this is Kish, he's never very logical.

"Kitten?" he says softly but his words seem to radiate through the room, much louder than the growing storm outside, and somehow I am sure and relieved that he is going to be gentle, at least this once.

I lay there for a moment, uncertain about what I should actually do because he will surely stop me before I can grab my pendant and in this position he already has the upper hand.

Finally I decide that it is safe to move, shifting so I am lying flat on my back and can look up at him properly. He's positioned himself beside me, literally hovering there, but he's leaned in a way that is almost possessive, and now he only twists as if curling around me further; his arms serve to trap me, one on either side, one pressing softly into my pillow – his fingers that are still curled in my hair pulling gently creating an almost pleasant sensation – and the other into the mattress between my arm and hip.

His eyes, the ones I'm just now learning, shine in the darkness almost like an animal's and they seem too wide, too searching. His hair is pulled back from his face in a way he hasn't worn it before and it makes him look even sharper somehow: he's skin and bones, all sharp edges, and having his hair pulled back only makes it more obvious. Combined with those wide golden eyes he looks more alien than I've ever seen him, fighting and all. It's a bit of a shock to say the least.

I grit my teeth to keep my frustration contained, forcing such pointless thoughts from my mind in favor of dealing with the problem at hand. "Get out of my room," I command coldly, fully expecting him to laugh in my face, both of us knowing that there's really nothing I can do to him at the moment.

He hesitates, as if considering his options, but there is only one option for him. Without thinking, I draw my hand back before clawing at his skin, barely grazing one of those high cheekbones of his as he jerks away with a growl. His hand untangles from my hair carefully, yet another surprise considering the situation, but still catches in the few tangles making me hiss back.

"Kitten," he whines pleadingly as he drifts back.

Once again I find my hatred stirring within, making me rise from my bed, grabbing blindly for my pendant as I go so I can keep my eyes trained on him. The mattress shifts beneath me, the springs groaning, and I kick my covers away so I won't trip. Finally the cool metal is locked tight in my grip and I am once again confident that I am more than capable of handling this little situation.

Kish watches my actions closely scrambling for words and finally managing to find some when it seems to register that I have my pendent. "Kitten, Ichigo, I'm sorry-"

If it weren't for my parents I would let out a bark of a laugh but instead I must settle with letting out a low growl, narrowing my eyes. "You aren't sorry," I snap at him. "Just get out of my house you pervert!" I hiss, unable to yell because, again, that would alert my parents who are just down the hall. God only knows how they would react to finding an alien boy in my room in the middle of the night; Ryou would, of course, murder me even if I did manage to get out of the bind with my parents.

" _Kitten_ ," he pleads desperately, pouting at me as he continues to back away, his hands held up as if to ward me off. He only stops when he reaches my door and can go no further. "Darling, I'm sorry – I'm so sorry – I just wanted to warn you and then you were asleep –"

" _Get out_!" I seethe, leaning forward and shifting, preparing to strike again though I don't kiss my pendant yet feeling that I should wait, a thing that I can't quite explain. "Get out of my house," I order.

"Ichigo, listen to me!" he cries far too loudly and the only thing I can think about is my parents, their reaction.

Before I know what I'm doing I've lurched forward, jumped from my bed with the smallest groan of the springs and the balls of my feet hit the floor soundlessly, so I can pin him to the door, hand tight over his mouth.

His skin is soft and hot; his body is close enough to mine for me to feel the heat radiating from him. My mind simply blanks.

We stare at each other for a moment, his eyes burning bright in the dark almost as wide as my own, before I feel his lips curling into an impish grin against my hand and his own hands carefully fluttering around my hips making me jerk away with a scowl. He chuckles softly, almost darkly, lowering his head so I can no longer see his expression properly, the shadows doing wicked things to his face and those inhuman eyes, before continuing on. "Ichigo… You're in danger…"

I have to take a moment to interpret those words, having trouble telling whether it is a threat or a warning. "Oh really? I never noticed." I snap back in an effort to hide any uncertainty and he levels his eyes with mine, expression hard.

He has a glint in his eyes that makes me do a double take, still confused about his meaning.

"Ichigo, I need you to listen to me," he says firmly and though I'm quickly growing frustrated once more I find myself gritting my teeth and keeping quiet. "You're in danger. I can only buy you so much time, I can only keep you safe for so long-"

"' _Keep me safe_ '?" I hiss back, advancing once more until we're nose-to-nose. My anger flares and whatever notions I had about his words are consumed by it. I square my shoulders and stretch to my full height, trying to match his stature without success. "You've never tried to protect me, you filthy liar," I spit at him, baring my fangs.

He scowls back, gaze growing sharp, wicked, dangerous, and he pushes himself from the door to press into me, his forehead meeting mine. The sudden change in position makes me falter, memories of that similar situation weeks ago coming back with a vengeance. I must avert my gaze, glaring down at the dark floor and our feet, fighting to quiet my heart.

Both of us are poised for an attack but I am no longer ready for one; he seems to realize, faltering himself, but he doesn't pull away. I don't know why I don't just pull away myself. His hands find my elbows, giving them a gentle squeeze before roaming upwards, ever careful as they skim across my skin leaving behind a trail of goosebumps in their wake as well as making me feel disgusted, wanting to jerk away but somehow unable. His hands rest on my shoulders, a weight that somehow feels heavy, like the weight of the world, the one I always carry but somehow manage to ignore.

"He's going to wake soon," he murmurs softly and my eyes flicker to his, staying there. "When he does there will be nothing you can do to stop it," he adds with a strange sort of laugh, strained but still manic, bitter but still excited, and I grow sick with him once more; I grow sick with myself too.

Deep Blue, that must be what he's talking about again, their leader or something. With a frustrated huff I finally pull away, slapping his hands from my shoulders as I go. "I think I'll take my chances." I growl and he looks torn, confused almost. "You won't win Kish," I insist with a cold laugh of my own, one that's strained but I don't think he can tell. "You can't seem to get that through your head. You just won't win, Kish."

He scowls at me, eyes sharp and his face turning so animal-like that I must take a step back because, even after everything, he manages to take me by surprise. "You don't understand. You don't understand what we're fighting for. You can't comprehend the pain, the lives, all of the blood that has already spilled just for this moment, this glorious moment when our leader will return to us and bring us our promised lands." As he speaks his voice grows soft and childish in an odd way, almost as if he's trying to describe something beautiful and innocent when he is really speaking of the destruction of an entire race - my own. "But I'll save you Ichigo, I'll save you because you're so special. You're powerful and brilliant, the only human truly worthy of living beyond this point and I'm going to make sure you do, even if Pai doesn't like it – even if _Deep Blue_ doesn't like it. You'll be mine and I'll keep you safe, I promise, I'll do better than that Knight of yours even," he tells me as if this is supposed to make me feel reassured, as if it's supposed to makes me happy, as if he isn't talking about killing my people before me and then keeping me alive so he can have his toy to play with, have his pet, his little trophy, even after all of this is over.

I feel my jaw tighten but my stomach is roiling with absolute disgust. "You listen to me Kish," I hiss even lower than before and his look of delight and awe slowly melts away. "When I win, when I save my planet and my people from _you_ , you're the first that I'm going to kill if I haven't already, do you understand?" I growl and watch, pleased, as his own jaw tightens and his being shakes with restraint as it does when he is furious. I don't know why but his reaction makes me feel better, it makes me feel oddly accomplished.

"I'm going to save you, Ichigo, I'm going to save you and then we'll see what you have to say about it," he insists, voice shaking just as badly as his fists.

I sneer at him. "If you do manage to win the last thing I want you to do is to ' _save_ ' me. You can do me a favor and put me out of my misery."

His face twists again. "How can you just say that, Ichigo?" he sounds appalled.

"Because I know you won't."

The words fall from my lips automatically. I don't think, they simply spill forth leaving me feeling oddly distant and detached as I try to process my own words.

I don't know where that even came from.

There's a long moment of silence as he stares at me blankly.

Finally he shakes his head blinking his eyes owlishly. "Ichigo, don't you see you're fighting for a lost cause? You have to see that, at least!"

"You can't beat us!" I hiss back. "You're not beating us!"

"That's not even what I mean! You're people are a mess! They're destroying your planet, each other! Why fight for something so pointless? They're only holding you back, darling, can't you see that?" he murmurs.

"And yours aren't?" I snap back and I immediately know that I have crossed the line once more. This is turning into a repeat of that fight so many days ago, I think, hand unconsciously going to my throat, but he doesn't notice.

His face changes, not exactly angry but I can't properly read his expression so I don't know. "Heh… Guess I can understand…" he murmurs, eyes flickering to meet mine. "They're your people."

"Exactly…" I reply uncertainly, afraid to get too ahead of myself and begin to hope that he is going to understand.

"You love them," he adds and though it seems like an odd way to put it I find myself nodding along in agreement. "And you're right," he adds, smirking slightly. "I won't."

"Wait, what?" I ask confused, shocked when I think he's admitting that he'll be defeated, but his smile only grows.

"I won't be putting you out of your misery, Ichigo," he tells me. "I'm going to save you," he says one last time before his form begins to blur, the space around him bending to his will.

"Th-that's not what I meant!" I cry indignantly but he only smirks.

Then I gasp, remembering what I need to get from him. I reach out to grab his wrist and the wavering of the air around him immediately stops and his smirk leaves his face just to come back again.

"Perhaps you want a goodbye kiss…?" he asks hopefully and I hiss, digging my claws into his wrist, in response. "Calm down Kitten, I'm just kidding… What is it, honey?"

"Masha!" I snap.

He blinks at me again, "Eh… what?"

I growl, rolling my eyes. "Masha, the little robot that's always with me! Where is he?"

"Oh, sorry Kitten," he murmurs, flashing me another smile before he slips his hand into his pocket, pulling out Masha. "I had to turn him off, get him to shut up, y'know?"

I growl at him lowly quickly taking Masha from him. "How do I fix him?" I demand jerking away and glaring when Kish reaches out to touch him.

"Now how am I supposed to help when you act like that?" he tsks and I must bite my tongue, begrudgingly holding Masha out to him. He smiles gently, tapping Masha on the head and he begins to whirr again, chirping and mumbling; I can't help but jump slightly, wondering just how he managed that, but quickly control myself when he begins to grin again. "Ja ne!" he chuckles and then he's really gone.

As soon as I'm alone I feel empty and undeniably stupid as well as childish – I've never felt more childish.

I move mechanically back to my bed and slip under the covers, placing my pendant back beside my alarm clock, the one that shows that it's already three in the morning. I don't go back to sleep until it's well past that hour however, haunted once more by his words and, on top of it, the question of whether I'm truly righteous or if I am actually in the wrong tormenting me for the first time.

Thank you for reading! Please leave feedback!


	3. Chapter 2 - Part Two

**Recap:**

I move mechanically back to my bed and slip under the covers, placing Masha and my pendant back beside my alarm clock, the one that shows that it's already three in the morning. I don't go back to sleep until it's well past that hour however, haunted once more by his words and, on top of it, the question of whether I'm truly righteous or if I am actually in the wrong tormenting me for the first time.

Chapter Two: Part Two - Heavy Burdens Rest on Soldier's Shoulders

The next morning I am still shaken and struggle to stay calm while speaking to Masaya; I can't help but feel as if I am being watched. The school day is uneventful though I do fall asleep in almost every class. When school is finally over I leave with Moe and Miwa, who chastise me for not enjoying my time with him, warning me once again of all of the other girls that want to be "in my place", and I can't help but go off on them. Moe huffs at me crossing her arms but Miwa only squeaks covering her mouth with her hands; I'm really becoming a horrible friend.

"Geez Ichigo!" Moe grumbles. "What's gotten into you? You've been even snappier than usual lately! Not to mention how often you space out!"

"Ichigo-chan, we're really getting worried about you!" Miwa adds.

I hang my head. "I'm really sorry, Moe, Miwa… I've been really stressed out lately with all of the work Shirogane has been giving me at the café on top of school and…" I sigh. "I know I've not been a very good friend lately… Gomen…"

"It's okay!" Miwa chirps immediately, smiling sweetly.

"You would think Shirogane would give you a break…" Moe grumbles to herself and Miwa and I can't help but laugh, remembering her crush. "Well, you need to relax a little Ichigo!" she says, quickly changing the subject.

"Yeah!" Miwa seconds. "You should have Shirogane give you a day off! We could go shopping or maybe just hang out in the park…"

I smile nervously. "Guys, that sounds like a lot of fun but…"

"Geez Ichigo! You have to take a break sometime!" Moe insists.

"Ano… Ichigo? Is there something more bothering you?" Miwa murmurs, frowning. "You know you can tell us, right?"

If only it was that simple.

"Well… there's this guy…" I find the words coming out of my mouth before I can stop them, but I continue on, needing to tell someone. "He's, uh, kind of a huge jerk."

"Wait, do we know him?"

"Does he go to school here?"

"No, no!" I say laughing nervously and waving my hands around. "Uh, well, he kind of works at a rival café I guess…" I want to smack myself.

"'A rival café'…?" Miwa repeats, blinking.

"Uh, yeah, something like that…" I say quickly. "But he's a huge jerk! And so are all of his fellow… café-workers... When we first met he teased me and stuff and he kept doing rude things to my friends and me but out of nowhere he started to actually _like_ me, well, at least that's what he claims… But he's foreign, so he's pretty odd." I add.

"Where is he from?" Moe asks with a frown.

"Uh… I think somewhere in Europe…?" I reply with an apologetic smile, hoping that she can't tell I'm lying.

"What types of things does he do?" Miwa asks hesitantly.

At this point my tiny group has stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, right outside of the school grounds. "Well…" I say nervously. "Promise you won't tell? Not a soul?" I demand and they both nod along quickly, eyes wide. I lean in, blushing furiously, and tell them the secret that only Purin knows. "He _stole_ my first kiss."

Moe cries out in surprise and Miwa gasps, clamping her hands back over her mouth.

"No!"

"' _Stole_ '? Really?"

"Yes," I whine hiding my face in my hands. The embarrassment is there and it burns but the feeling of sharing is so much better. "He came out of nowhere and kissed me okay! It was horrible!"

"Does Masaya know?" Moe asks instantly, making me whine louder.

"Oh my! You should tell him Ichigo!"

"I know, I know! But that's not the point! He's cruel and rude and vicious! But now he keeps insisting that he really likes me and trying to, uh, get me to join his café instead of Ryou's and I just don't know what to do! He won't drop it and he keeps insisting that it would be better that way but I know it really wouldn't and I don't want to betray my friends and he just can't really like me! He really doesn't! And I can't talk to my other friends about it because they're already too mixed up in it to give me any advice that isn't biased but I really want to! And I don't want to even be thinking about this but he keeps doing these things, saying theses things, and it makes me second-guess all of the things that… well… I've always thought were true and right and-"

"Ichigo, Ichigo!" Moe laughs nervously. "Calm down, it's okay!"

To them it really must seem like I'm overreacting…

"Gosh Ichigo, you should've told us sooner…" Miwa murmurs, glancing at Moe worriedly. "And really, I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but you should tell Masaya… at least about that first part…"

I hang my head taking a deep breath. "I know but… It's so embarrassing… I wanted him to be my first…" I whimper stubbornly.

"Aw, Ichigo! It'll be okay!"

"I'm sure he'll understand!"

"Thanks guys," I say smiling. "It felt really good to get that off my chest…"

"But… just out of curiosity… what types of things does he do to help you?" Miwa adds, smiling nervously.

I open my mouth to respond but my mind finally blanks on me, not providing a quick and easy lie. "Ano… It's-it's complicated…" They look at each other again and I'm sure it's because I sound stupid or insane, maybe both. I sigh heavily again. "I really should get to work. But thank you both for listening to me carry on even after I was a jerk. I promise I'll find some time to hang out this weekend, how does that sound?"

They both smile brightly at me assuring me that it is fine and it will all work out one way or another before we go our separate ways. I can't help but feel a little bit better after all of that but it's ruined by my impending shift at the café, the one that I know I'm going to be late to, earning Minto's teasing and extra hours afterward. The day is actually very pretty but I can't seem to focus on that, mind going to those words again, all of the questions that Kish has brought to the surface of my mind still harassing me. As I pass through the park I get that feeling again, as if I'm being watched, and my hair stands on end, my eyes scanning the trees.

"Ichigo! Alien! Alien!" Masha cries, making me suck in a breath before spinning around once. I proceed in the café's direction, however, continuing to look around suspiciously as I go.

Unfortunately I'm looking in the wrong place, glancing over my shoulder just to literally bump into a certain someone. I jolt, jerking my head back in his direction to be met by that gaze, but quickly hop back when his hands begin to flutter about my waist – he always seems to do that, I've noticed. "Kisshu! What are you doing here?" I hiss. "Where's the Chimera?"

He frowns at me slightly, his expression oddly serious. "There isn't one."

"Good lord," I huff. "You need to stop just showing up like this! I don't want to see you Kish! You can't get me to turn on my people! There's no point in speaking to me!"

"We all need to second-guess our actions in this battle," he says suddenly making me freeze. "It's good that you are."

I feel my cheeks burn hot with anger and embarrassment and I clench my fists, furious to be humiliated like this. "You were _listening_?" I hiss and he has enough sense to take a step back.

"I didn't mean to Kitten, I just happened to over hear your conversation…" he explains calmly.

I can't believe that he can act so casual about this! It's infuriating, almost as bad as everything else he does, and I find myself stomping my feet and pouting childishly. "'Happened to over hear'? Like I'm going to believe that! You little sneak! You were spying again!"

He grins shamelessly. "Well, yes, but it was never my intention to hear all of that… Didn't think you'd tell your little friends about me… By the way, aren't those the two girls who-"

"Whose souls you used that one time? Yeah, yeah they are! Thanks for reminding me!"

"Aw, c'mon Kitten! I didn't drop in to fight with you or to rile you up though we both know you really are quite something when – okay, okay! Not finishing that sentence!" he cries when I glare. "Really Kitten, I came to apologize…"

"For what? Last night?" I ask warily and he shakes his head, looking down. "What then?"

"I didn't know it was your first, Ichigo…" he says hesitantly, peeking up at me almost innocently. I feel my heart stop beating and my blood run cold; this is the worst day of my life by far, the very, very worst. "I'm sorry… I'm not going to lie though, at the time I probably wouldn't have cared, but now… I'm very sorry Ichigo…" he murmurs, dipping his head once more.

My face feels hot and my stomach keeps twisting horribly. "No you don't!" I cry, taking a step back. "It probably just gives you another thing to-to tease me about! To feel proud about!"

"No, no! Kitten," he sighs. "I'm really sorry… I know you can't see that or understand it… But I'm sorry and if I could take it back I would, if there was a way I could take back everything I've done to hurt you I would do it in a heartbeat. I really do love you Ichigo, and… and I need you to understand that all I want is to protect you but I can't do that if you won't help me…"

"Kish, what do I need to do to get you to understand? I want nothing to do with you beyond being enemies, I will never become you're partner in any sense of the word, it's a waste of your time to keep trying!" I cry and he chuckles slightly. "You are absolutely _impossible_!"

My hands are shaking and my heart beating fast. He's so condescending I want to deck him but his expression stops me.

The ghost of a smirk passes over his lips but is quickly gone. "You'll fight for your lost cause and I'll fight for mine…" he murmurs. "See you another time, Kitten…"

I open my mouth to protest but he thankfully disappears before I can. I don't know why I even would.

Thank you for reading! See you next time!


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